title is considered to mean something like "you're the stupid cute child in me that simply won't accept anything". everlasting beast - everlasting best. because i also love him. it was in my mind about my not-quite-best-friend. you know, not the guy i had a crush on but the guy who has the "best-friend"-status but isn't called like this because my ex-crush already has this name.
i know, it's somewhat complicated.. but i don't want to confuse you.
i want to get something out, sort of weep it out. so you actually can stop reading here. (:


my best friend, i'll simply call him like this now, is desperately in love with his "best friend". no, that's not me what actually hurts me a bit, but well.. he's in love with her and i think for this reason he calls her his "best friend". (i also did that, remember?) this gives you kind of satisfaction because if you can't get them as your love you can at least get them as your best friend. having someone as your best friend is directly under or even over the level of having them as your love. so you feel at least a bit better, a tinywhiny little bit. you keep telling yourself that your "best friendship" is much stronger and that you mean much more to them than their love (what's nonsense most times).

i told him once, but he didn't want to hear that. he cried for days. i felt horrible for disturbing his (namely false) hope! if you love someone in this abnormal way then hope is the only thing you can hold on to; and if someone disturbes this hope you are totally down. i know it from my own experience. you act like a naïve kid, and you know it, but you don't want to realize it. living in your own little picture book doesn't hurt as much as taking the feelings how they are. keeping doesn't hurt as much as letting go - but it hurts longer.

at the moment he's spamming her with all his feelings and he's crying and shivering. i want to hold him and i tell him i love him as my best friend forever, but it doesn't reach his heart. in his eyes she's the only one to ever help him, but he's not looking left and right. there are his friends waving and smiling and welcoming him. but he doesn't see us. he's just seeing her.

i feel so helpless. i don't know what to do, i can just tell him i am there and cuddle him to death every weekend. i miss him badly and i want to hold him right now, but even if i did it wouldn't help him.
'she is the only way out she is the only way out she is the only way out..'

but what can i do?